04 August 2006

I had a bit of a psychological breakdown this week. I have been crying for about two days. I feel so alone sometimes. (Yes, mom, you will be saying I told you so, but let me explain first). It's not so much that I am lonely, there's a lot of people around to talk to. I am alone at the appartment quite some time though. It's more really feeling alone, more so than feeling lonely. I am the only woman most of the time, the only wife, the only human scientist, surrounded by technicians and engineers. I'm the only one who is still a scholar. So the thing that makes me feel alone ois the lack of kindred spirits around, someone to talk about what I am doing and thinking, rather than what they are doing.
Next to that the fact that I don't really feel at home (seeing that our appartment isnot our appartment, but somebody elses and that we will be moving there in a week anyway...) doesn't make it easier. Then there's this anxiety that overwhelmes me that it will always be like this, no matter where we are, I'll always feel like a shadow, like I'm alone.
The feeling passes when David gets home, but it's still difficult. I feel like my brain gets cluttered with all types of questions, and there's never an answer, since the only person to dialogue with is me.
But I'm ok, I'll get through, as usual.

3 comments:

  1. Anonymous1:09 AM

    Hey meid.

    Wou gewoon laten weten dat ik je blog met plezier volg hoor. Kom eens piepen wanneer ik kan. Spijtig dat het deze dag een dipje is. Stuur me eens een mailtje als je met een sociale wetenschapper wil praten he:)

    Dikke knuffel, Isabelle

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lauke, ben nu pas je blog aan het volgen dus dit is een ietwat late reactie maar nooit je hoofd laten hangen bel me dan maar.

    ReplyDelete